Pat and Bee's Life

At the speed of crazy!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Struggling At Work

I gave it up. This job is not mine. I do not want to care that it isn't being done my way anymore. I do not get to define how a job is "properly" done. I am not management.

Except....that I do. And I care. And it's eating me alive, and I am 100% unaware of how to not care, and not involve myself. I need to learn how not to do this - but on the other hand, how do I sit and let my customers not be served in the manner they've come to expect?!

I guess it's egotistical - that only I can do it right. "Right" is so subjective....isn't it?

Is it okay for me to expect the same sort of intesity, follow through, and drive from others that I expect from myself? Who am I to judge someone's effort?

How is effort judged anyway? The best someone can do? The best someone *should* be able to do? The best someone else in the office is capable of achieving?

I don't know the issues other people are going through - their home lives (which do affect our work), their other work projects and priorities, or their availability and potential for completing the work as it was previously accomplished.

I don't want to be judgemental. I don't want to be bitter. I am struggling with how to help, without taking it back over and I don't know how to prevail over this internal battle.

I don't want to be angry that the job isn't being done the way I want it to be done. I don't want to hate my co-workers for taking something I poured my heart and soul into and turning it into a mundane, everyday task that isn't getting the full attention I think it deserves.

I re-read my words and notice the word "I" is here a lot. Very little "team". But how do you help someone who thinks they're doing the job right, and management thinks so too?

I guess you just give up these worries (however THAT is accomplished...) and do the new tasks assigned. But inside, I'm dying just a little bit.


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