Pat and Bee's Life

At the speed of crazy!

Monday, January 30, 2012


Scared. But alive.

Tired. But keeping on.

Filled with moments of doubt and overwhelmed often. Happy moments cherished now more than ever.

Crying. But strong.



Such is life.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Stupid Trickey Washer

You know you don't need any more alcohol when you think you hear the garage door opening, so you run out to greet your honey who's been gone most of the day - only to realize the garage door is closed.

Because what you heard is the washer draining water, and you probably shouldn't have had that last serving of vodka.....

Oh well! LOL

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Home For A Few Days

Work is kinda crazy, and I'm rushing to catch up so I can head back down to San Diego 01FEB-04FEB and then come back home for another week or two.

I am very much looking forward to getting this chemo show on the road so there is some action. At least, I think that's how I feel. It will change in a few minutes.

This has all been rather disorienting and a little much, but I'm glad to have the support of my husband, friends, and wonderful co-workers, not to mention my family.

I suppose I should go lay in bed now. Sleep won't come for a few more hours, but at least I'll be more relaxed!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

San Diego Day 2; Friday the 13th

Mom had her surgery on Friday the 13th. I arrived at their place as they were leaving for the hospital.

I walked the dog and played with him. Then watched some Dr. Oz (never watched his show before), and did some light cleaning at their place. I fed the dog on schedule, and Dad called me to tell me he was coming home rather than spending more time at the hospital.

They had taken mom in already, as her surgery was scheduled for 10:15am.

Dad and I spent some time watching TV, and talking. Then we headed off to Mission Valley to pass the time and wait to hear something from the Dr.

While we were out a nurse called us and let us know the surgery was going well but would take longer than originally scheduled. We decided to have lunch at the mall (salad and burgers for me), and then head home for a bit.

We headed off to the hospital and found out mom had been out of surgery for at least an hour, but no one had called us. The front desk staff got a hold of the Dr, who called dad and said the surgery had gone as planned and we could see mom in about an hour. That would put the time at around 6pm.

6:15 rolled around and they called us out to see Mom. She looked so little, and her eyes were filled with ointment and she was *really* loopy. She was trying to talk but you could tell her muscles weren't responding the way she wanted. After a few minutes she greeted us both, and we waited while they got her settled in her private room.

I started crying while they were getting her settled and taking her vitals. I wasn't used to seeing my mom looking so frail and out of it. But I was also so relieved to see her. I think everything hit me then. Dad was very comforting. Poor dad. Trying to be strong for his daughter while thinking about his wife. That must be so hard.

Mom was slowly coming out of the anesthesia and was complaining she was itchy and REALLY thirsty. So we found a nurse and asked if she could have water. She said she'd take care of it. An assistant of some sort brought a cup of ice, and a drinking cup and a small pitcher of water. But we were waiting for the nurse because we figured something special had to be done, or she had to be cleared for ice chips or something. Meanwhile, mom was still experiencing itching.

By this time Beth had arrived, and she went go to find the nurse again, who said she'd come check on her shortly. But she only had 20 minutes left of her shift, and she was trying to finish stuff up for all of her patients.

Finally we caught another assistant and checked about being able to give mom water, and if something could be done for the itching. The assistant checked with the nurse and said we could give mom water, she could drink on her own. Said she was on a regular diet.

The nurse had to be tracked down a third time regarding the itching. She said she had turned it over to the incoming nurse who would be there shortly, but that it was probably the opiates she had been given earlier.

We made sure mom had water and raised her bed so she could sit up a bit (changing the TV channel several times and breaking it, in the process). Then we left her to sleep.

She would close her eyes for a second and kinda phase out, so we all thought she was asleep, but then she'd ask a questions and kind of rub her eyes which were still gooey from the ointment.

I went back to mom and dad's place, walked the dog, fed him, and then headed to the grocery store to pick up food to make in my kitchenette. It's weird buying groceries in a store you don't have locally. The brands are way different, and the costs are too! I wasn't sure what was a regular price and what was just a ripoff, but I was utterly exhausted, so I just grabbed stuff, checked out ($70 later) and went back to the hotel.

I got back to the hotel, ate leftovers from lunch for dinner, put away the groceries, and passed out.

It's hard being here without Pat, but I think he'd be miserable going through this, and I can only deal with so much at a time. I do miss him at night though. Hard to be without you honey! I slept better Friday night, but I went to bed around midnight (after some rum from Vons), and was out for most of the night. I only woke up 3 times, all from being too hot.

Good to know on a Friday night the hotel doesn't get all wild, I guess. Still wish I was sleeping in my own bed though! With my honey next to me!

San Diego Day 1: Thursday January 12th

I arrived in San Diego safe and sound on the 12th and headed straight to mom and dad's place.  I had worked until 11, then went home and had lunch with Pat, and finished packing. I headed out of town right a little afternoon and traffic wasn't bad at all.

I spent the evening with Mom and dad, and went over Scooter's (their dog) schedule. I scarfed the double cheeseburger I had bought at Burger King earlier that day (actually, Pat bought it for me), and didn't eat anything the rest of the day. Clearly a mistake, but I was too exhausted to eat anything and anything I had at Mom and Dad's would have caused Mom and frenzy of cleaning and I was trying to get her to just relax.

I guess we all unstress, or focus on other things differently, as mom had made enough food to feed a hungry squadron. Moms are a little obsessed with feeding people!!

I left and checked into the hotel, and pretty much crashed, after making sure WoW was patching on the laptop.

The hotel is decent. I have a kitchen with a full sized fridge, a stovetop with 2 electric burners, 2 pans, 2 plates and bowls, and a very skimpy amount of kitchen utensils. I'm glad I brought my own.

Surgery was Saturday, so I called Pat and said goodnight and then read for a bit before crashing. Of course a car alarm went off around midnight for almost 20 minutes, and then someone tromped into the hotel making all sorts of noise and waking me up again. Pat called to say goodnight somewhere between those two events, and then I woke up FREEZING sometime before 4am. So when my alarm went off at 6:30 I was exhausted.

Such is the life in a hotel I guess.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

There is a Fine Line....

There's a fine line between a comfy warm shower covering you in a beautiful blanket of comfort and scalding the hell out of yourself. Tonight, I discovered that line, and it wasn't pretty.

It's like thinking you're taking a bite of cake and getting the taste of vinegar. For a moment, you're shocked into thinking OMG WHAT THE HELL, and the next you're frantically waving your arms and pantomiming a spider being on you. Either that or you make the worst cake ever and you're just used to it by now.

I leave for San Diego tomorrow. Mom is having surgery for endometrial cancer, and I'll be spending some time down there. I'm mostly packed, except for a few clothes still in the dryer I forgot to move over when I put away the first load. I ALWAYS do that. It's incredibly frustrating.

As an aside, I'd like to thank Mo for being the most understanding awesome person in the world. We postponed out Christmas celebration tonight, and that was just such a weight off my shoulders. She is truly awesome!

Keep an eye on Facebook and Twitter for updates from San Diego. I can't update the blog without turning on my location thingie on my phone, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let Google force me into that.

I plan to blog lots from SD, so I'll see you all on the flip side!