Most of my adult life in San Diego that I was around my family was a complete and total farce. I hope they understand, and forgive me.
I spent my almost-adult life being directed by other people who didn't know what was going on. To say I hid my true life from them would be a mild understatement. Again, sorry it happened, but truly not sorry I did it. I rejoice in that I could be a little bit of me. I was ravey and punk whenever I could get away with not being caught! *grins* Thank GOD for Vegas and Disneyland!
Shoulda seen me in Salt Lake guys! I went through goth, rave, punk, and half a dozen sub-cultures in the first 6 months. It was AWESOME! :p
I've never known my sister or my brother as adults. We were always "the kids" that were just that. I grew up and moved away when life events brought to my attention that it was required. Otherwise, I'd prolly still be living in San Diego and would have never married Pat. What a depressing thought that is.
Why bring this up? Certainly not to hurt my family. I think they all know that the collective 4 of them that lived there when I moved (Janelle is family!! She just wasn't there when I moved!) are much closer then I am to anyone else in the family. Being far away, even 4 hours, can make it hard to be close.
ANYWAY! The reason!
I really love the music of Offspring. And this song
always makes me really think of my family. I was never me
around my family. I wasn't a strong enough person then. I kinda rolled over and died depending on who was talking/yelling/lecturing/taking money, etc.
So the song is very cool to me. Very weird in a comforting way. It epitomizes my true relationship, because parts of me feel that I need to keep hiding. But I'm not ashamed of *anything* I've done in my life. I've made mistakes, yes. But I have learned from them. I am stronger. I am (I like to think) smarter. Because of those mistakes and errors in judgement. I wouldn't take away one drunken rave or one single friend or enemy I've made.
Even better! I wouldn't handle those situations ANY differently if given the same opportunity again. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!!!!
Now that I'm me, and I know who that is, getting to know my family again is a challenge. I am still, basically, the same person. I am a little more tolerant of different thinkings, a little less tolerant of moronism and a LOT more cussy. Hell, I've always been more cussy but my parents scared the bejeezus outta me whenever I accidently did it in front of them. I'm less scared of them now (can't kick me outta the house :p). Though I try really hard not to cuss just out of respect for them.
Now my brother is married and I rarely talk to either him or his wife. Last I heard they got kittens for Christmas. Annnnnnnd, that's all I know. I miss you Nath. Janelle and I are alike enough that we should get along REALLY well! Come out and party sometime!
Mom I talk most often. Followed by Beth though I have unintentionally ignored her the last few months. I'll call this weekend girl!
Dad I have become more close to recently, which is nice. I miss him.
My friends from when I was in San Diego have mostly moved on and I've lost touch with all but one or two. Even with those, we barely speak and the catch ups leave more and more out and are incredibly short.
So now, I am kind of a new person but not really.
I have new (and one or two old) friends. And Pat.
Pat is the one that makes this all worth doing, and worth sharing with, and worth living my life with.
Anyway, enough total and complete rambling.
EVERYONE have a good weekend. Stay safe. Hope my clients in London don't get blown up.