- Enders Game
- The Belgariad series by David and Leigh Eddings
- and of course anything by Clive Staples (C.S.) Lewis including Screwtape Letters
As you can see, I've spent some good money in gaming. From upgrading my computers each time a new game came out, to software and monthly fees, and of course, keeping high speed instead of the outdated dial up. (YECH!)
Is it any wonder I'd end up marrying another geek? Pat and I share a love for games, and gaming that is a wonderful thing to share between us. We have different playstyles, different guild needs, and such different characters, but we're both drawn to the worlds where we can play together, and interact with idiots and friends alike!
I do not regret my experiences online. I know I had some bad ones. I made some mistakes. But you know, like everything in life, you must learn from your mistakes, instead of fearing them. Fearing them only means you think you'll make them again, and that's not much learning. There's more things in life that I regret.
Being told to get out of the house when I was 16 because I cut my hair. That's kinda a biggie. But you know, I learned from that too, and I don't regret it, it's just another lesson in life. Not that we shouldn't be careful to avoid making mistakes. But being afraid to make them....that implies that fear rules what we do. I'm fearful of a lot of things. I figured this out on my walk last night.
I am afraid of looking like a fool. I am afraid that Pat will be disappointed in me. I am afraid that when I look back at my life there will be so much that I wanted to do and never accomplished. I am afraid that my mouth will get me in trouble at work (healthy fear there, btw). I don't fear being alone though, or silence, or not knowing what to do. I used to.
And then I met Pat. Let me tell you about Pat. He has the kindest heart, though he tries hard to hide it sometimes. He is amazing. He's a good cook. I guess he learned it from his mom. Baking and desserts and so yummy!! And he can look at a recipe and change it to our tastes just by thinking about how he wants it to turn out. Whereas I need to follow a recipe perfectly to make something edible.
He is generous with his money, and looks out for his friends. He thinks of us, and makes his decisions for us based on what is best for us. He is not selfish in the things that matter (does who gets the last bit of leftovers really matter??). When Pat and I met, I was a mess. Stress was a part of who I was. Being sick had crushed my soul and my spirit. Pat saw through that and helped me to find who I was again. Money issues depressed me so that I couldn't function, medication and the length of time I'd been sick crushed the air from my lungs so that even taking a breath of fresh air was a trial.
I love Pat so much. And more then love him. I respect him, and I love doing things that make him happy. His cute little smile is all I want to see by the time I get home from work. His arms around me while we watch tv and discuss the weirdo's on Wife Swap, or a friendly yelling at the tv while a ref makes a bad call against a team playing USC, it's all I ever dreamed of.
We're perfect for each other. My sense of fair play and his competitive spirit. His quick mind and my fierce need for some sort of plan. We fit so well. We're both talkative and playful. We both love to gamble and drink, game and watch football and basketball. Now if only I could impart to him my love for books. I guess the next book of the Sword of Truth series will have to do.
Our love for music is so very different though. Pat listens to God AWEFUL stuff. The Vandals, Unwritten Law, The Clash, White Stripes and Tenacious D. At least we can agree to listen to the new Offspring, The Ramones, almost all country, Nirvana and Green Day. I'm more into Fusion, and Enya, and Frank Sinatra, Disturbed, Groove Armada and Papa Roach (HEY! I have varied intersts in music! It's healthy!!). I care about the lyrics, and what they're trying to say. Pat.... Well I'm not sure what he's going for. But we both try to at least tolerate each others music!!
I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this. I took a long walk yesterday, and while I thought a lot about what I was afraid of, and what was holding me back from what I wanted, I thought about why I was so happy. So I had to share with all of you my love for my perfect Pat. No, he's not perfect. But I'm willing to overlook the imperfect in him for the ways in which we fit so wonderfully.
I've never loved anyone enough to overlook the little annoying things they do that make me want to scream. Except Pat. He makes me want to laugh, and cry with joy, and bear my little heart to him. All because I know that he holds my thoughts and words and the committment that we've made for each other above everything else he may hold dear.